Me

 I turned in my resignation Monday. 

Heart ache. 11 years. Turning a page to the next chapter. 

This is me

40 years old. Mom of three. Wife of one man for 16 years. NP for 18 years. Business owner for 9 months. 

I feel like I’m coming more in to my body and soul than I have ever before in my entire life. No more pressure to be all and do all. No more shame of being weak or having tears. No more anxious fear of abandonment 

Settled inside of myself. Not reliant on any man or person to approve or pursue for me to feel worth it. 

Confident yet humbled. I didn’t realize I was judgmental as a 20 yr old. But I was untested. I hadn’t walked a mile in any shoes of suffering. Let alone 20 years. 

I know more pain is to come, I know everything up until this point is preparing me for what lies ahead. 

God I don’t wish such heartache and pain on anyone. But… it definitely has grown me. 

Another group conversation Tuesday with two couples that seems to transcend time: the husband said: without pain and darkness we would never fully grasp how good Gods goodness is. 

Maybe that’s the why

So in that vein. Thank you God, for the suffering.