I went to an abdominal ultrasound today for a “palpable mass”
that a family doctor was actually able to feel. But the ultrasound was
inconclusive. Ultrasonography can’t see past or into the intestines. So if it’s
something of that nature it will require a CT scan or MRI, which will have to
be after the baby is born- due March 26th.
You know what’s awful? I actually wish they would have found
a tumor. Because then there would be a defined cause, and an explanation, and a
course of action. Instead of everyone just thinking I’m psychosomatic, or weak
and complaining, self-centered and spoiled. I would actually rather have cancer
than have this.
I want to be cured. I want to be the former self again. I
want to be happy and healthy, energetic and vibrant. I want to enjoy my 2 year
old and my pregnancy. I want to enjoy cooking for my husband, enjoy food, and
exercise with enthusiasm. Instead of walking around like a bloated, nauseous,
shell of fatigue. And inevitably depression follows. As bad as it is, my heart
hurts worse than the symptoms. I’d rather have pain than this.
God, I still know you can cure me. I still believe you want
to. But I don’t understand why. Bill Johnson says you must have continual
mystery in your life to challenge your faith. Well I sure do.
Please help.
