This is the highest peak of requirement for patience that I have ever experienced. How do you live with joy and peace and rest and all the essence of what SHALOM in the midst of constant bickering, arguing, raised voices, disagreements, and unyielding opinions by frustrated, discontent, angry people??? Add into that a needy two-year old with no playmates, a mentally disabled 50 yr old woman, and a husband who wants sex at the end of a long day at 11 o'clock at night when all I can think of is collapsing in bed, popping in some melatonin with a hot water bottle on my sore muscles and hopefully drifting off to sleep uninterrupted by toddler nightmare cries.
My most anticipated time of day is at 5am gathering my bible, notebook, iphone, earbuds, and hot bullet-proof coffee....before any other soul is awake I revel in presence of musical worship of my God. I have to soak in worship of Him in this transcendent few moments before interaction with opposing expressions, demands, needs, and attitudes threaten to tear me down into sin.
Throughout the day I speak to Jesus, I pray in tongues, I put in the earbuds again to hear music, sermons, reports on any of my particular passions that peak my interest on that day...anything other than the arguing and strife. And I leave. I make it a point to get my son and I out of the house at least once a day. I would have rather been out today after nap time as well. It is trying. No one is hitting or screaming. But it's a constant spirit of division. It's affecting me. And it's affecting my son. But I will fight. I will fight hard.
I am going to intentionally seek out friendship and connection with Christian women and outlets for me to serve and love those in need who do not know Christ. Lord, I ask for help to find this.
And yet, thank you God, for this time of growing and developing of my strength of peace. To be the eye of the storm, as my dear friend prophesied before we came here. May I be that more. Only through you. Jesus--only in You. Be in me and me in You...
